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Toxic parenting

It’s not unusual to have a complicated relationship with your parents. Just like you, your parents are only human, subject to the same reactions and emotions. But where do we draw the line so that we call it toxic?

Parenting is an obligation that comes out of choice. Some people are really good at it and the outcome is execellent but still yet some parents have let their emotions get the best of them. I term that toxic parenting. What do we mean by being toxic?

My understanding of being toxic is when you keep hurting someone either intentionally or unintentionally but they continue loving you hoping that you might one day change but because you don’t everyone tries to run away from you.

Now here comes the truth not all of us can take… parents dont know their kids as much as they are convinced they do. I believe it’s because most of us have been raised by toxic parents and our opinions on certain things will never count. What you don’t know is that strict parenting raises angry kids who with time loose interest in pleasing their parents. Too many parents wonder why their kids arent honest with them, and never realize their own non-receptive behaviour and their failure to listen are the resons why.

Okay I know most parents are strict in the name of “I’m protecting you” but I’d tell you congratulations coz now you have a kid that lies to you 24/7, never opens up, and is anxious all the time about wrong things they do and scared that it’ll never be fixed and forgivable. Parents maybe knowingly or unknowingly say the most hurtful shit to their kids and still wonder why they are disrespectful. Just because you are a parent doesnt mean you get to be maliciously cruel with your mouth because you know your child wont retaliate.

Parents will literally ruin their relationship with their own children all because they don’t know how to apologize and admit when they are wrong. Like I mean nobody is going to admire you as a parent if you make them feel like shit. You are supposed to boost your kid’s self esteem up not to shatter it. Then again dear parents, STOP getting in your kids’ faces talking about all you did for them. Bought clothes for them? Kept a roof over their heads? Fed them when they were hungry? That’s your job!!! You took that responsibility the moment you decided to be a parent.

Its insane how parents would pour out their anger on you ending up ruining your day and pretend like they didn’t really ruin your day and still wonder why you are in a bad mood and as if not enough, they get mad at you for being moody! Unbelievable right? I often used to get into conversations with my mom and wheb she would get frustrated with my opposing opinion, she would scream at me to stop yelling at her even though she was the one who was screaming in the first place and I never really got to understand that until now.I can understand that somehow parents tend to believe that kids are kind of their extension and they would want to make decisions for them even after they’ve grown up and that is more or less what is literally controlling your childs life. So what y’all need to get is that at a certain point when your kid is a teenage, they need some personal space and the power to choose what they certainly would want for their own life and maybe just be a good listener and give them pep talks and small advices and corrrections and support their idea at the end of the day. Do you have the slightest idea that your little boy or girl cries at night with their face buried because you are a parent.

Do you have the slightest idea that your little boy or girl cries late at night with their face buried to their pillow so you wont hear?Ask yourself, why would they prefer that to talking to you? That is because you will probably give them a lifetime lecture that wont help but hurt their feelings and add one more reason to be depressed. You are all super critical and poor listeners who don’t even care about your childre n’s feelings but care more about how other people think of your children and whatever choices they make and how they might end up putting a “scratch” in your name out there.
Stop wondering why we have street kids everywhere, most of them have parents but they just could not take it anymore and it’s sad you know.

It won’t harm to change. Don’t make your kid suicidal. Don’t make your kid wish you were dead. Don’t change your kids perspective on what parental love is supposed to mean. Just try your best to understand them from a different angle and you’ll surely get the love you deserve not the love that they are obliged to give you just because you are a parent.

My bestfriend to infinity

We wrote this together in a chat❤

Pink with blue strips
Total glows
Hide your bestfriend my bestfriend is in town
Screams screams screams everywhere
People running in two directions
One to see her and one into hiding
Glows glows
Glows brighter than today’s sun rays
Paparazzi, snap snap
See
Even the cameras get to hold that beautiful nostalgic moment
After a few glances the whole town went crazy
No one could really describe
No one could really describe exactly what was going on
I repeat,
Hide your wives children bestfriends and husbands
Look away…
No I can’t look away
No I can…
I’m captivated by the beauty
Sensei, teach me to be you please
Says a local

Did you know that heartbreak is literal?

Untill today, you all thought heartbreak is just about crying and breaking down over hurtful stuff. Being heartbroken makes you cry so hard until you feel your chest hurts, refusing to eat, being angry and breaking things, vomiting, having strong headaches and feeling tired and soo lazy all the time among others. Well I also was in the dark until I read somewhere that heartbreak is something that actually happens. Your heart literally breaks. So hurting so bad is not actually good for anybody because you can actually die out of heartbreak. Lets talk about this now… how is it that way?

I came across sites that claimed this is called the heartbreak syndrome or stress-induced cardiomyopathy or takotsubo cardiomyopathy. ( takostubo comes from the name of a pot used by the japanese to trap octopuses) this syndrome is the weakening of the left ventricle which is the heart’s main pumping chamber, usually as a result of severe emotional or physical stress, like sudden illnesses, loss of a loved one, failure, or a serious accident. It is called takotsubo therefore because when this happens, that side of the heart looks like that pot used by japanese.

Apparently, this syndrome mostly affects women than men. Typical huh…

Researchers have established that when you experience stress, your body produces hormones such as adrenaline and noradrenaline that are used to cope with the stress. So when you experience extreme stress, your body produces massive amounts of those hormones which can overwhelm the heart muscles. Excess adrenaline can cause narrowing of the arteries that supply blood to the heart, causing a temporary decrease in the amount of blood flowing to the heart.

Also, adrenaline may bind to the heart cells directly, causing large amounts of calcium to enter the cell. This large intake of calcium then prevents the heart cells from beating properly. Good news ofcourse these syndromes are temporary and completely reversible. Even though there are evidences of people who have succumbed to heart break syndrome. When these symptoms are extreme they may cause; cognitive heart failure, stroke, low blood pressure and heart rythm abnomalities. All these are super dangerous.

Here's what leads to the physical symptoms of a heartbreak according to  karen Young:
Stress hormones in the brain include cortison and epinephrine. Too much cortison in the brain sends blood to tge major muscle groups. They tense up ready to respond to the threat. Muscle swell gives rise to headaches, a stiff neck and chest pain. To ensure that the muscles have enough supply of blood, cortisol diverts blood from the digestive system, this causes stomach problems like diarrhoea or appetite loss.

I don’t think anyone deserves to die of heart break syndrome but the world I guess is a nostalgic place to be. The only way out of this is to learn methods and techniques of stress management and problem solving which will help improve emotional aand physical stress. Lets campaign against heartbreak. Such little emotional distress can break your heart strings. So think, think before you break a heart.

Do you know how high your self esteem is?

Self esteem is your general view of yourself. Your confidence in your worth and abilities. There are three types of self esteem; high self esteem, low self esteem and inflated self esteem. How do you know on what category you fall in?

Basic components of self esteem
-Identity
-Acceptance
-Appreciation
-Pride
-Humility
-Self confidence
-Selfishness

Self esteem starts building when you are still in your childhood depending on your home experiences, school experiences and the community at large, how people react to you, illnesses, disability or injuries, age, your own opinions and perceptions, your role and status in the society and even the media messages have a greater influence.

How do you talk to people? How do you take what they tell you? Your reaction to the reaction of others on your actions shouts your self esteem level quite loud. Take a simple complement “you look nice”… some will say thank you, some will say I know, some will even stay quiet and some will find an excuse to actually looking nice, its just this dress that looks good on me, its even second hand, something like that.

Having high self esteem means you actually appreciate yourself, your efforts and you literally know your worth. You will find other people’s opinion on your appearence or on your work with little or of no value at all. Why? Because the confidence you have in yourself is enormous, so enormous that you don’t mind doing something wrong because you stand corrected at all times. High self esteem boosts your optimism, you see an apportunity in every difficulty and you never mind trying.

On the contrary, having low self esteem brings you out as someone who doubts his/herself almost everytime and in almost everything. You live so busy trying to impress everyone else. You compare yourself with others. I am doing better? What about her? Is she cooler than me? Are we all sad or is it just me? You let opinions adversly affect you. When given a positive complement you get overexcited or when given a negative complement you get all moody and sad. Emotions get the best of people with low self esteem.

Then there is inflated self esteem. Inflated means filled. You can therefore say that this is kind of an egoistic self love and is based not on the being. People with inflated self esteem are so full of themselves. They completely don’t listen to others and they fail to critique themselves. That means they are not able to correct their own errors so they constantly blame others. They undervalue others and their opinions thus ending up adopting a hostile behaviour. Being so full of yourself definately makes you so controlling.

How high is your self esteem? Have a test here:

https://lonerwolf.com/high-self-esteem-test/

Self esteem is very important in self development. Even though in the reality of life it might be quite hard to find the healthy balance of a strong self esteem. Here’s some hope if you find out you have low or inflated self esteem… the level of your self esteem is not permanent. You can either improve your self esteem or lower it. That only depends on who you interact with and what you actualy consume. Remember in my fifth blog we talked about you being what you consume.

To establish true self esteem, we must concentrate on our success and forget the failures and negative thoughts in our lives

Denis Waitley

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What’s next: the spirit world, reincarnation or nothing…

This post is very open for discussion and I’d be glad if y’all leave your comments after you’ve read. Thank you.

What do you think? Or rather what do you believe? Do we like die and live like spirits in a different dimension or a different world of like just spirits? Or does it mean that there is reincarnation?, Reincarnation is simply the rebirth of a soul in a different body.

In reincarnation, after death, a soul becomes transmigrated into a newborn baby or a newborn animal to live again. A soul is a part of you that consists of your concience, all your thoughts, character, feelings tell me about them. It is basically our minds and our will. In Hinduism it is believed that a person keeps reincarnating until they gain what they call the ultimate knowldege and have freed themselves from the contraints of the material world. Chad Harbach in his book the art of fielding says that a soul isn’t something a person is born with but something that must be built with effort and error, study and love. Because yeah are you born with concience and character or it finds you later? So then does that means reincanation is basically someone born having almost exactly the same traits of somebody who died.

A lot of people have claimed to be communicating and even seeing the dead. Is that what really happens? Maybe… maybe not…lets see. Is there a spirit world? What are spirits?

There is this animation movie called ‘coco’ where there are like 3 worlds, the living world, the spirit world and then vanishing. In the movie, once you are dead, the span on your stay in the spirit world depends on how people remember you in the living world and once nobody thinks about you anymore, thats when you slowly start vanishing.

The soul and the spirit are said to be the same but its just that the spirit is Godly and the soul can be earthly manipulated. So the spirit is also concience or rather awareness, that means it is definately invisible. So the spirit world is an invisible realm. And how then are people able to see spirits? You dont talk or see the dead. That is your concience. That occurs in the same part of the brain that controls dreaming, in dreams you see images that don’t even exist. That means when you see a dead person and even talk with them, that is part of your unconcious brain working, that is you searching through your memories, it is your wish to talk to someone who died and you miss them or maybe you regret something that involves the dead person and it is haunting you, I mean it is something that is always on your mind. You don’t literally see the dead or talk with them.

Philosophers believe that there is a world of form and a world of matter. The world of form which is the living world is superior to the world of matter which is the spirit realm. They say that whatever happens in the earth world is a ripple effect of an action that took place in the spirit world. But whatever happens in the spirit world is beyond our vision.

Many believe that the natural world and the spiritual world can have purportedly mediating communication that is through practitioners known as spirit mediums. Belief in psychic abilities is widespread all over despite the absence of existing evidence. The British Psychological Society carried out an experiment that led to a conclusion of no mediumistic abilities shown by the test subjects. So people who claim to have psychic abilities and can link you to the spirit world are definately fraud and they use trickery to decieve others.

Because no one has died and came back with evidence on what happens after we die, it is therefore very debatable. What you know depends on your religious background or what you’ve been tought or made to believe. Before you were born you didn’t exist and you know nothing and I believe that’s exactly what happens when we die. We just sieze to exist. But if there is an afterlife we still don’t know. If there is reincarnation then why don’t we remember anything from our previous lives?…

Its me not you

Words I say don’t always come out right,
and they always seem to start a fight.

I know what I say can hurt you,
and believe me, I don’t mean to.

The last thing I want to see is you sad
because I can’t control myself when I get mad.

I know all you want from me is my best,
but right now I need time to rest.

Everything is happening so fast.
How long will it all last?

Everything is falling apart.
It’s terribly ripping my heart.

I have so much anger built up; I have to get it out,
and all I want to do is scream and shout.

I take it out on you,
even though I don’t mean to.

I’m sorry for causing you more stress.
I know even you need time to rest

Reunion

I look up the ceiling
I’m not sure what to think
My mind is full of emptiness and crying echoes
I could say I’m writing out of pain
But time has made me numb
My life is staging a coup
My soul is with another
My heart aches another
My eyes yearn another
And yet again my bowels cry for another
None works with the other
Imma go with the soul
Guess why?
Because at some point
My heart will stop beating
My eyes will shut
My bowels will stop working
And my soul…
My soul will still be there
Just wondering around somewhere
Awaiting the reunion

You are what you consume

We all eat and drink stuff, listen to music, watch vedios, watch the news, read books, use drugs either as medicine or pleasure, use social media and even physical interaction with others I mean the people you hang out with among others. But… “You can’t expect to look like a million bucks if you eat from the dollar menu”

Tell me what you eat and I will tell you who are. What you consume can either be the safest, medicinal or the slowest form of poison. The food you eat contributes alot to your energy be it physical energy or psychological energy(aura). Y’all think chocolate and sweets make you feel better when you are down…I also used to believe that until I read somewhere that way sugery stuff brings something called “a two-second lift, and hours of hateful regrets”. Why? Because suger is a culprit of inflammation therefore it works by causing a temporary spike in “feel good” neurotransmitters then followed shortly by a crash that is really terrible for your mood and hence how you interact with people. That was just an example.

When you stick to a diet of healthy food, you are setting yourself up for fewer mood flactuations, an overall happier outlook and an improved ability to focus and communicate…

Dr Cora

That was just food, what about now the content you get from around you? What your mind consumes consumes your mind and what consumes your mind controls your life. If you listen to certain music you start acting, talking and or dressing a certain way. Take an example of the current youth, those who listen to trap music tend to dress and talk like them trap niggas from oklahoma…yeah I just did that. Different movies have different influences on people that is in the way you think, the way you talk, the stuff you’ll start being interested in and even your anxiety and all.. The books you read make you start thinking in a certain way. If you read books you will always get some type of urge to live the book or to live a character’s life or maybe the opposite; to not live some type of way, to fall back from some habits e.t.c.

The people you interact with either in social media or the friends you physically hang out with have a great influence on your appearance and character. Thieves walk together because they can’t judge each other. All these things we want to start doing after watching somebody else do it and gets a good outcome or a beneficial outcome to what they wanted or maybe avoiding other things that other people have done and lost more than they could gain. We develop character out of what we allow our minds to consume. It’s like a little marble in your brain. And once the marble rolls in a certain way one time, it’s easier to the next time and again because it forms a path. Thats how habits are formed thats how you slowly build your character. What you consume is however controllable. You have power over what you feed to your brain and your body. It is you to choose who you’d want to be. Characters is built, mood is created, none is permenent either.

Be mindful of the things you put into your body emotionally, spiritually and physically.

Delicate

She lended everyone her ears
But gave none her heart
She’d probably want to change that
But she just doesn’t know where to start
Everytime she goes outside
She wears a face mask
A face mask that has a fake smile
Nobody can see past that mask
So none knows how she feels inside
Because they never ask
If they were with her late at night
Parharps she’d let them sort
Through the secrets she keeps
But when she is awake at 3am
Nobody is ever there
And that tought her alot
That’s why her heart she hides
Because no one reay cares!!!

A conflicting contradiction

What do you do when its all heavy?
When you want to stand but you can't stand steady?
Who do you run to when your heart is racing?
When behind you are your monsters chasing?
How do you keep it together when you just can't...
When everytime you try it feels like a ghost hunt?
Which way do you choose when there are two paths?
When one is truly yours and the other a dear one wants you to be part?
Parharps I should just sit still...
And wait till there's energy refill
Or maybe just close my eyes
And follow the choice that my heart cries

Do we dream our insecurities?

Believe you me either directly or indirectly you dream about your insecurities and I have been a victim not once not twice but many times. By saying this I dont mean that all our dreams are our insecurities, No. Several dreams have several meanings but my focus is on insecurities.

What are insecurities? Everyone I believe has their own way of defining insecurities but all those definitions revolve around the same meaning. Basically insecurity comes with the question “what if?”. Your fear of something you don’t even know will happen. Your expectations of the opposite of your expectations.

What does our insecurities have to do with our dreams? So there was this day I was just in the market and there was this politician who was being picked by a plane and in my mind I started playing scenarios of the plane crashing then flames and screams and commotion you know so that night I dreamt that there was a plane that fell into a water body close to where I lived and we were all like running from the wave splash of water that we could see coming from a distance. Is this an insecurity? I dont know think about it with your own dream illustration of quite the same instances

This goes with the rule of as above so below, as within so without, as in the universe so as in the soul, as in consiousness so is as in unconsiousness.70% of dreams carry more meaning than our concious thoughts. The primary functions of dreams is to reveal the notions of the unconcious mind. Sigmund Freud a psychoanalyst says in his book “The interpretation of dreams” that dreams contain both overt meaning(manifest content) and underlying unconcious thoughts(latent content). Dreams, he suggested, are our unconcious wishes and fears in disguise.

The often fragmented and confusing content of dreams may be the brain’s way of incorporating new information and experiences into long term memory. I dont know if you know about the hippocampus, a structure in the brain located in the temporal lobe of the brain. This structure is connected to memory and imagination. Insecurities are part of our imaginations but much of anxiety and that is why they may be expressed through dreams. Think about it…

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